Greatest Lesson: Appreciating simple moments and memories with family-1

It has almost been a year since my last post. This year has been full of changes, hopes, dreams, discouragements, happiness, but mostly feeling of joy and peace. A lot of firsts has happened in my life such as be confirmed to the Episcopal Church, my job as a campus minister at Drury, experiencing the dorm life, singing with Drury Singers, and etc. But what I learned the most from this year was about relationships. I learned a lot about love, marriage, and friendships. l learned what it takes to keep a marriage alive (give and take, and tell what you will stand for and what you won't), and what it means to give sacrifices for the welfare of others. I learned to be less selfish, and devote myself to my family and community with my time and care. I learned that the most basic human desire is to be loved, and to feel important in this world. I learned to make friends without expecting anything in return and accept and enjoy each individual for who they are. One of the deadliest habits that creates problems in our relationships is "criticizing." I learn to pick and choose my battles when it comes to conflict with my loved ones. I learned to find what l have common with then and improve me relationships one step at a time. Yes, it has been a good year full of learning, growing up, and getting closer to finding my own meaning of life. To be comfortable with uncomfortable situations and how to handle them was the greatest lesson dorm life has taught me.

As we finish this year, I started thinking about these lessons and how I am going to use them in years to come as l become the person l want to be. l also discovered that l enjoy working and interacting with people and challenging them to achieve their dreams and motivating them to make a difference more than I like working with models, and theories. I learned how important social skills are, and how far they can get me to where l want to be in the future. I didn't learn all of these without any guidance. I am blessed with many great teachers who are willing to share their wisdom so generously. I have three people that have made a great impression in my life. Fr. Miller, Peggy Williams ( whom I call my second mom), and Angela..... ( whom I call my sister and my third mom with her openness to express my mistakes and imperfections. All for the greater good of course)

Fr. Miller has taught me how to listen God in my daily life and how to ask for his help in times of hardship and transition. His unfailing presence and support have encouraged me to challenge my faith and increased my desire to use my talents and gifts to welfare of others. His extensive knowledge, strong faith, desire to see the best out of every person inspired me to build better relationships and truly enjoy company of others.

Mom Williams..... There isn't a better way to address her. Her love, compassion, and support what kept me going through hardest moments of this year. Not only she gave me a home to live ( I say home, though I lived with many people, but only her and Dad Williams made me feel truly home), she listened to me, told me stories, shared her two precious girls' lives and always found something to laugh. She also sees the best in people, and constantly encouraged me to try new things to discover who l am. Not once she criticized and told me that l was wrong. Instead, she would tell a story and hide the lesson inside for me to figure out. We both come from very different backgrounds, but somehow we are close to each other with our ideas, tastes, beliefs, and how we think the way things should be. Our souls are so close as l am her daughter. Maybe she didn't give birth to me, but she touched my life in so many ways that l will keep her lessons rest of my life and educate my children with her memories. She is a very special individual full of love and care. She always inspires me to be brave. I am brave when I think of her. I put a big smile on my face when l remember her and our memories at the house in Marshfield. I am always excited to hear stories about grandma and grandpa Conkling, aunt Jackie and Bety, and litte Shelly and Angie. She is a unique way of making me part of her life and past as if I was almost there. I love hearing those stories about first time Angie and Shelly talked, what was their first words, how different their personalities, their youth and adolescence in texas, the life in the Benton house, their college years, and big family gatherings in holidays, granddaughers and grandsons, and how they make them feel alive. I can feel all of these by listening to those stories as I try to figure out what is most importhing thing in life. Is it money or the relationship Sand memories that you have with people? Dad Williams always says "We bought memories instead things." I think that is the important thing in life. When we all come to the end of lives, being able to say; "My life is full of memories with people whom l love." Because material luxuries are all temporary, but the love that we share with people what will make us eternal. We will always live in their hearts. And if we encourage only one of them to love another the same way we love them, we have succeed greatly. Being comfortable and to afford travel to learn new things are very important. But we don't have to have a six figure bank account to find contentment in life. Feeling home, feeling loved and sharing that love with others, knowing that our family and friends will be there thoughout all stages of our lives, supporting, loving, and comforting us, or sometimes just being there to listen, and share moment of laughter and always seeing tomorrow as a better day.... These are the most important things my Mom and Dad Williams taught me. These are the things l will cary rest of my life. And for that l am very grateful. I love them dearly, and will do anything in my power to keep my family together. l will never forget their openness to make me part their life, and l won't ever hesitate to invite a stranger to come and share my life. These are what I will teach my children; To respect each individual and show them dignity and hospitality. Even these means getting out of their comfort zones and trying things they have never tried before. This is only way one learns and grows. Just as Mom and Dad Williams taught me.

(To be continued)

Letting my past go

 Lately, I am going through a hard time with my family and friends back in Izmir. Emotional disconnection between us and my guilt seems to make things worse. For the first time, l decided to go out of my shell and ask a friend for help. As I explained her how hurt and frustrated l was with my past and everything l have left in Izmir,  hearing it at loud helped very much. I am very resentful the way my mother have become. Her refusal to accept the fact that  I have left home, and moved on with my life is becoming worse everyday. She has given up everything. Her intellectual life, her relationship with friends, her wants and desires as a woman. She looks like a dried flower once used to be alive. Not only l am more and more concerned of her well being and happiness, she also puts this huge guilt of leaving her in my shoulders. She refuses the accept the reality that l have a new life. I told my friend how unhappy and anxious she was while she thought she could use her only power to control my finances in order to stay close to me. Unfortunately, money is the only subject we can talk about. This hurts me very much, as l continue to grow in my new life and take important steps to be an adult. This is the time l need her the most. As l explained my frustration to my friend, l was very curious to get her point of view as an American. She said that this was their choice to send me over here to support me to follow my dream and desire to be happy. She said l have nothing to be guilty of. l should let this guilt go off my shoulders. l found this suggestion very helpful. This guilt I am carrying is very heavy and prevents me from who l want to be.  She was right that I should let go past, and look forward to future with my greatest hope. Everyone deserves to pursue their own dreams and desires, and more importantly to be happy. This is fundamental principle America was built on. It is also the greatest reason why I love this country, and why l am so proud to be a living example of the American Dream.

 Thank you Angela... Thank you my friends and extended family who helped to become who l am. Thank you for your optimism, hope, and support. Your love and kindness means a lot to me..

What l enjoy the most in America, is the fresh perspective and unfailing trust that one can accomplish anything through the freedoms, choices, and opportunities we have in this land.  

Let me be free

 2009... A new year with new beginnings.. Fresh starts always help me put things in a clear perspective. I unconsciously ask myself  am l making progress toward who I want to be without any judgements and pressures from other people. Can I set myself free without worrying about  their thoughts? Or this illusion only exists in my mind as long as I think there is. There is one thing I know for sure, your worries won't leave you, even if you go as far as you can. There is no need to be scared of being who you are. I was scared of that for a long time. And now l learn it is okay to think and believe what l choose without any judgements or social pressures of my place of birth. Sometimes, l still feel guilty of my new way of life, and how dramatic changes  I made in my life, and my faith. How brave and eager l was to make those changes? How persistent l was to get on that plane and smile myself saying l am going to have a good future in America? A friend of me once said that l was very courageous to take those necessary actions to come and stay in America. When I was talking to another friend today, she said l was very brave to continue to stay against all hardships l face. She said" l would have returned long time ago." I laughed and said l can't imagine a life without challenges, this is what makes life so precious. That after all suffering we reach the sense of triumph, a feeling of true happiness knowing the barriers we overcame, remembering the painful, desperate moments we thought it wasn't gonna end someday. In that moment we feel, we can overcome anything that is thrown to us by taking the responsibility. All these sacrifices lead us to success, but it is impossible to reach success without patience. We should keep going, keep looking, keep doing the right thing without fearing of becoming who we really are. Discouragement? Yes we will have many... But we never know until we try...