Adjusting to a new culture-Series No:1

  Adjusting to a new culture is a long and complicated process. There are many things that we should look in a particular culture such as traditions, holidays, values, cuisine, relationships, and most importantly the definition of friendship. Till l stepped out of my plane in Chicago, l have never thought about this new culture that l would need to adjust. It seemed like, it would be pretty much the same but even better. In my readings, l learned, it would be a period l would be amazed by every new thing l was going to experience. This period is called "Honeymoon stage." Really, everything was wonderful, new, and exciting. People looked different, nice, positive, happy, laughing and pleased to talk to me. House were big, prosperous, spotless, and accompanied with large amount of land and flower gardens nicely landscaped. This is something we never see in a big city. Everything is very contained and there seems to be no air to breath unless you want to breath to smell of exhaust in the street. They had a holiday called Christmas which was like  nothing you have ever seen if you were raised up in Eastern Europe like me. It is a huge deal. Wholesalers,retailers,and markets start preparing four or five months ago. Families get together. Gifts are exchanged. Moms make a roasted turkey, dressing, gravy, cranberry sauce, and lots of sweets includes pumpkin pie and fudge. Like l said before, everything feels wonderful and unimaginable like you are in another planet( Only one thing is different. That is you put on couple pounds after trying every single dessert) People were very friendly and nice which kind of surprised me in the beginning, because  I heard many stories about the ignorance and selfishness of Americans before l came. It felt really great to be there, and tell everyone back home that they were wrong. l was in this lovely place, everybody was in harmony, and they accepted me for who l am. 

 l was in the honeymoon stage about a year. By the time l was returning back to Turkey, l was speaking very good English, and thinking l am totally adjusted to my host country. When l got back from Turkey, It was time to leave my host family's home for college. l thought those people would be there for me in times of hardship. l had no idea, my experience of American culture was just about the start. Not only l saw the self-individualism, and self- interest of American people, l was also left lonely as l can ever be. My family and friends, and everybody whom l know and cherish were ten thousand miles away. There were days and weeks I was depressed and homesick and had no answers of what l was going to do. l knew one thing though, l wasn't going to give up. l had chosen to be educated in the United States. This was my biggest dream, and l wasn't going to give that up for reason of being homesick. If  I returned, some people would always say: you couldn't do it, we told you before". I said I am going to make it no matter what happens for better or for worse... I admit it. I sometimes feel very homesick, very lonely, and ask myself the same questions over and over. Is it worth? Is it worth for the sacrifices l have to give? Is it worth of being far from my family in the holidays, celebrations,  and special occasions? Is it worth of not being able to say Happy New Year and give them a hug? Is it worth of not being there to witness the important moments of my friends' lives, and cherish and share whatever life brings? l sometimes do not know the answer of these questions, but there is one thing l do know. That is I will not lose my pioneer spirit and  I will continue to pursue my dream and give whatever sacrifice is necessary in order to achieve it and make my friends and family very proud of my courage and perseverance to give a better future and quality of  life to my loved ones.....

Constructive thinking toward our challenges

 There was a saying l have always heard since l was little. Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger.... l find a lot of truth in that. Being in college plus studying abroad bring many challenges to my life everyday. l have made myself sick of worrying in past years. l asked my self the same questions over and over. How am l going to do it? What if l can't? What if l need to go back to Turkey and obey my fate? As l worried it destroyed my ability to think rationally, it effected my attitude and motivation negatively toward achieving that goal. It caused a lot of fatigue in my body and daily energy level as well. Then one day, a very good friend of mine gave me a book called " How to stop worrying and start living" by Dale Carnegie. It was written specifically for people like me, who worried and feared the worst. There are many strategies l learned from that book. It literally saved my life and sanity. But there is one thing it helped the most. One you face with a problem, you calm down, and ask couple questions to yourself;What is the problem?What is the cause of this problem? What can l do about it?  After asking these questions, l take two clean sheets of paper, and write my first option. l list the pros and cons of that option. Then l do the same thing for my second option. After weighing pros and cons of both options, l can come to a conclusion immediately. l count their pros and cons.Whichever choice has the most pros, l choose it. There is one thing important here, we should stick with this choice through self-sacrifice and perseverance. l also review the things that l am very uncomfortable in my current situation, and try to find constructive solutions that is gonna help me feel better. In my next post,l am going to talk about the challenges of being homesick and how we can make necessary changes in order to feel at home anywhere in the world.

 Don't ever forget, if life hands you a lemon, you can always make a lemonade.

Peace that comes from within

 Lately, I am thinking about how fragile life is.  l am amazed by the fact that everything l worked very hard to achieve can disappear in a matter of seconds. l always want to be secure in my direction of life, but does security really exist? Everything that l am so terrified by may never happen, so why do l keep worrying about the things that may have destroy my dreams? l guess, being in another country make this little bit harder, because once we grow up in a certain place, we always have our family, friends, and people whom we love the most. We are covered with a safety net. Anytime something happens to us, we just give them a call. They are always there to listen and share whatever life brings. Without this safety net, we lose our sense of security and start feeling lonely. There is one thing very important here. We can always make new friends and develop our bond with them, but definition of friendship can be different from country to country.(Continued...)

Finding balance between opposites

 We all strive for a balanced and peaceful life. We want to maintain our level of comfort we experience in our safety nets everyday. What we don't realize without suffering there would be no compassion, without chaos there would be no peace. In order to understand the existence of those two emotions we must experience both. Life is very fragile. So are we as human beings. Lately l have experience with finding my balance between those extremes. One of my main goals is to a peaceful life during my college years. I try to do everything I can to make sure I stabilized the main areas and the direction of my life. When I start feeling like I am making some progress,  something unexpected happens and suddenly I am recked by worry attacks asking myself how l am going to be able to handle this situation? Why I lost the stabilization of my life? Will l ever have a life without problems and crisis? I think when we grow up, we are too often told everything is gonna be fine no matter what happens, because our parents there to solve it , but this family taught perspective  is not realistic. When we step into real life in college we will have problems and crisis no matter what happens.The key is how we are gonna choose to handle them without our parents? This is where my story starts.